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If Only I Ate Dog Food

The Mystery of Dog Food


One of life’s biggest mysteries to me is not how the universe was formed but why, every morning and evening my beagle, named Bond, goes bonkers when I feed him dog food. The same dog food every single day, twice a day, year after year.

In dog years, that’s over sixty freaking years eating the same thing, dog food. The thought of a human eating dog food is vile, let alone eating it for the rest of your life. Waterboarding might be more fun.


Yet, you would think Bond, or Mr. Bond as we often call him, was smelling a bacon wrapped Filet Mignon, rare of course, for the first time.

Every meal, he jumps, barks, wags his tail and says, “OMG, this is the most amazing dog food ever.”


Some mornings I reply, “Mr. Bond, you do realize I’m feeding you DOG FOOD.”

Of course, there is a scientific explanation, dogs have way less taste receptors than humans. But they do have superior sense of smell, so they know they are eating the same thing and really should complain.


My Beagle, named Bond, as in James Bond

While Mr. Bond is eating his dog food, I’m deciding what to eat for breakfast. I start thinking about what I’ll eat for breakfast as I’m having my coffee. Cereal is easy, I keep lots of varieties in the house with fruits to spice it up. Eggs take more time and then I must decide scrambled, over easy, do I add cheese and bacon and so on.


I lack a sense of portion control, so I suspect based on my waistline I tend to over do it. Dinner is much more complicated because you must eat something different every night and cook! Dinner takes planning, time and ingredients. I would guess at least two hours a day are spent thinking about meals and what to cook.


Mr. Bond has no such worries. He also is the same weight today as sixty years ago, in dog years. I’d love to be the same weight my whole life.


Lose Weight and Save Money Eating Dog Food.


No worrying about what’s for dinner, having to go shopping for fresh fish or meat, endlessly meandering down the aisles deciding on what to have for sides and checking the ingredients and calories of everything you buy.


And just think of the savings of not having to go out for dinner.



Nutritionally dog food would always provide me a well-balanced diet and just a simple bowl would ensure the correct portion and really cut down on doing dishes and cleaning pots and pans. A huge time saver.


All I need to do is pick up a bag of dog food and put it in the pantry. I’d save a ton of space in the pantry and never have to worry about expired food.


Hmm, the more I think about this, I may be on to something, if only I ate dog food.

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